I Shall Dissent; Resident Evil 4 Blows

Resident Evil 4, available on the Nintendo GameCube, has generally been regarded as one of the best games of all time. Some lists even put it #1. I disagree.

I recently borrowed it from a friend at work and I can easily say the game sucks. Maybe it's because I never played much of the earlier games in the series, but I just find the game dull.

It has amazing graphics. It has well done sound design...and it's the best when there's no sound at all. (Too silent!) It's a genuinely creepy game, scarier than most movies.

But it sucks.

The game is all about "Play n' Die." Basically, all the talent in the world will get you nowhere. Your only skill is to be able to reason out how to get past a certain area by repetition, which is to say, dying, and then slowly learning what you're up against. Play. Die. Play. Die. Play. Die. Get some chips. Play. Die. Play. Die. Play. Die. Play. Die. Play...FINALLY!

For example, play through a level and then WHOOPS, you stepped in a bear trap. The camera doesn't aim down, and you would get motion sickness if you constantly scanned up and down all the time...so you missed it. OK, watch for it next time.

WHOOPS, there was another!

WHOOPS, that spider was dangerous. Gotta waste a gunshot on it.

WHOOPS, got past everything, but it took ya 7 gunshots to shoot down that blue medallion, better restore your old game or else you'll never get past the 15 zombies headed your way with only 15 rounds left! (If only you can shoot and kill with 1 shot, eh?)

WHOOPS, the last typewriter was quite a bit ago, need to do a lot over again!

I generally disdain games like this. They're very challenging, but only because your abilities are very crippled. Your viewing angle is low. You can't strafe. You can't fire and move at the same time. You can't move backwards very fast, and turning around takes too long to escape any self-respecting zombie.

Bullets are as a rare as gold, but it takes 5-7 shots to kill the most common of zombies? Ridiculous! You can get through a very dificult level, but if your health is low by the end of it, better restore, cause you'll have no chance in the next section.

Want to resotre your health with a first aid spray or herb? Tough luck...those are as rare as diamonds.

It's too bad I'll never see any of the bosses as I've heard such great things about them. Graphically superior. But so what, I'm just not having fun slowly slogging my way through each area. Solving the game, which would take me weeks of boringly spent hours, would produce a merciful feeling of accomplishment rather than a proud one.

You suck, Resident Evil 4.